In March of 1990, the Vajra Regent Ösel Tendzin was instructed by His Holiness Dilgo Khyentse Rinpoche to enter into a one year retreat at his residence in Ojai, California, called Shantigar. On the weekend prior to the beginning of the retreat, which started on the Vidyadhara’s Parinirvana day, April 4, 1990, the Vajra Regent hosted a farewell party for the Ojai community and other assorted students and friends. The theme of the party was a Western Barbeque. The highlight of the party was a spontaneous toast that the Vajra Regent offered to his guru, the Vidyadhara. This transcript was taken from a home video that was shot at the event.

To the Vidyadhara

I don’t know if anyone has anything to toast with, but let’s pretend.  If you do, you do.

We owe an incredible debt to Trungpa Rinpoche for his fierce kindness and his compassionate humor. He never did a better job, as far as I can tell, than leaving us with such a tremendous mess, leaving me on my own in a way that I knew was unavoidable, but tried to avoid for a long time. But it seems like the most important thing is to recognize that you are on your own, and the guru can only take you so far, can bring you to the abyss, so to speak, the edge of the cliff. And at that point, as Tilopa said to Naropa, if I had a student he’d jump off, right now. Naropa, thinking, “he must mean me”, jumped. Well, it’s not always the case that he does mean you. But even if you jump and break all your bones and make a mess, that’s an opportunity for the guru to point out that you are somewhat self-involved (laughs).

I find that to be the case with my own life. I remember Rinpoche telling me that when he was a student in Shechen, he was treated like a king. He was Jamgon Kongtrul’s great son, a young man in his teens. He was like “the chosen one,” and a lot was riding on him and what he did. And he got a little puffed up. He was nervous that he would be found out and he was thinking a lot about himself. In addition, he was cornered by his teacher, Khenpo Gangshar, who embarrassed him in front of the entire assembly of 500 or so monks. Rinpoche told me it was the most horrifying, embarrassing situation, to be the important person, and to be put on the spot in a very gruff and forceful way. But he learned a lot from it. He must have, because he told me the story.

He was kind enough to let us hang ourselves, and let us be put on the spot. We owe that to him. I’ve never met a teacher who had that kind of far-reaching compassion. Usually they save you. You may go down for the third time, but some way or another they grab your hand. I’m not saying he’d let you drown, but, then again, I’m saying he would (laughs). If he felt that it would be the best way, whether in this life or in future lives, for you to attain enlightenment, then drown you do.

There are a lot of things that have been said: what he said about me, what he said about this, what he said about that. But none of that really means anything. What really means something is if you can personally attain enlightenment, individually, for the benefit of others. That’s all that means anything, because that’s the goal and that’s what the guru had in mind (unless he had in mind just to use you as a doormat and have some fun for himself, which anybody who knew Rinpoche and saw how he lived knows wasn’t the case.)

So for his great compassion we should be eternally grateful. You should always keep some aspect of guru yoga happening, all the time, throughout the year. It’s the most direct method to get in touch with that kind of rugged compassion.

So to him, to the Dorje Dradul, the Dharmarajah, the first warrior, the warrior of warriors, the Sakyong, the great siddha, the terton – everything – to the Vidyadhara.